Our Twilight
by Rickmanlover24601
Summary: My first song fic ever. I'm writing from Phil Allen's point of view, as played by Alan Rickman in Blow Dry. The song is Twilight by Vanessa Carlton. Phil is looking back on the past week and finding all his inner emotions.


This is my first song fic ever so I hope you like it. Please review heaps!

Twilight by Vanessa Carlton Song Fic for Phil Allen from Blow Dry  
  
I was stained with a role  
In a day not my own  
  
I look back now and realize it was only a week ago that I sat alone and depressed in my shop. All the customers had left and all that remained was the bottle of scotch and my haunting memories. I didn't even care what was happening outside. I shyed away from the news and local papers. My life had become the barbershop. I never felt right, never myself as if I were living someone else's nightmare.  
  
But as you walked into my life  
You showed what needed to be shown  
  
We hadn't spoken for ten years. Now it seems so trivial, so pathetic. You wanted Brian and I to join you in the competition. I never understood why you would even bother. It didn't seem important to me anymore, so why you? After years of me trying to avoid you in the streets, you purposefully walked into my salon. Imagine my shock... and disgust. I realize now that I overreacted, was even childish. But you were trying to show me something. Something I was too blind to see: what I had been missing all those ten years.  
  
I always knew what was right  
I just didn't know that I might  
Peel away and choose to see  
With such a different sight  
  
I've always had my views on life. Political, local, moral. When you left me I was more disgusted and angry than sad. So maybe things weren't exactly perfect between us but I never thought, never imagined you'd do what you did. To me it was unheard of, the very lowest of the low. Yet when the time 'til competition drew nearer, we spent more time together and I didn't want to admit to myself that it was enjoyable. Oh, I still couldn't put the past behind me but I did like seeing you again. And so happy, doing what you've always loved. I started to see you again as the girl I married, not the animal that ran off with Sandra. I seemed to be accepting that fact. Not forgiving, not yet. But getting there.  
  
And I will never see the sky the same way  
And I will learn to say goodbye to yesterday  
  
I yearned to have the life we used to have. I missed you so much I felt I couldn't breathe. I was afraid if I even glimpsed you it would hurt too much. Afraid of pain after I was hurt I never took risks. Had I done so the last ten years might have been better, easier. You wanted me to move on, to forget what happened. I suppose you could see how I was taking it and took the only opportunity that came your way to fix it. Even if it was ten years too late. I know I was living in the past. It was consuming me and I had no way to handle it. But now I'll live life differently. I see what you wanted me to see. And I'll never forget that lesson. Everything I was mourning was right in front of me and I pushed it all away. Never again.  
  
And I will never cease to fly if held down  
And I will always reach too high cause I've seen  
Cause I've seen twilight  
  
As hurt as I felt when you left right before the competition, it was nothing compared to the shock of your illness. What a jerk I had been. Too self-absorbed to be there for you. I'm glad, yes glad that you at least had Sandra. Even though you disappointed me, you don't deserve this. No one does. So now I see that life is too short to hold grudges. I'll never make that mistake again. I'll make up for lost time. I'll start living my life the way I've wanted to. And as yours slowly disappears I'll be the man you never had. You and I both have seen the darkness and I hope that your last days are filled with light.  
  
Never cared never wanted  
Never sought to see what flaunted  
So on purpose, so in my face  
Couldn't see beyond my own place  
  
You concealed your illness from Brian and I so well but it was family that you really wanted me to see. I had Brian and we did well together. But I was missing a life. Your life. And now I wish I had seen what I could've had, what we all could've had. And Brain, poor lad, never complained, never rebelled. But I knew he need you. I just couldn't bring myself to let him see you. Well, he never wanted to anyway, but that was my fault. All I cared about was myself, not even looking for a way to make Brian happier. I didn't even care about you. I didn't really mind where you went or what you did. You meant nothing more to me than a wasted past.  
  
It was so easy not to behold what I could hold  
But you taught me I could change  
Whatever came within these shallow days  
  
You held the key to my happiness and I didn't even know it. You, Brian, even Sandra changed me in different ways, but only with all of us together could we ever feel complete. You showed me that I had to get past my uneasiness, unwillingness to accept you as a part of my life. Hard times alone became good times together. Sometimes we fight and, of course, you aren't always well but all in all the days aren't so horrible. And whatever comes, I know we can handle it together. As a group we can comfort each other, work through the hard times.  
  
As the sun shines through it pushes away  
and pushes ahead  
  
But I see that while we are together, soon we'll be apart. I've just come to accept you into my life and I know it won't be long before you leave me. I don't know if I can handle the loss again. But I'll try. Sandra, Brian, and Christina will still be here. I know it will be up to me to keep the family together when you leave. I'll try. That is my promise to you.  
  
It fills the warmth of blue  
And leaves a chill instead  
I didn't know that I could be  
So blind to all that is so real  
  
I feel so happy despite my growing dread. I've finally put the past behind me and I'm trying to enjoy the present. And yet this newfound happiness is almost a knife in my back. Each time I see you smile, the blade thrust in deeper. All this will fade away. This happiness will disappear and I'm afraid it will leave me broken again. I never saw that you could still love me despite my cold manner. You were always willing to give me another chance and I never took it. Now that I have I regret my hesitation. I don't want this to end. It feels too good, too nice. I'm happy now and I want this to stay. I don't want you to leave again, because this time it will be forever with no second chance. My only hope is that this time I'll be left standing. Standing stronger than before. For you, I'll try.  
  
But as illusion dies  
I see there is so much to be revealed  
  
As I finally see with both eyes open, I realize there is something much stronger than hatred and sadness. Even though the darkness will come, love will overcome. You showed me love, you showed me family, and you showed me that I had strength. I didn't believe but now I do. We will live on without you. We will do it for you. What I couldn't give you in life, I will give you death. Love is strength. Love is warmth. Love is everlasting life.  
  
As you walked into my life  
You showed what needed to be shown  
  
I missed too much. I missed you. You showed me that others could show me the power of myself. I've learned from my mistakes. You thought of me despite my flaws. And for that I will forever think of you. We all have faults. Yours was that you left me. Mine was that I lost you. But you overcame your fault. In my over-judging eyes you've risen to the heights of an angel. You are my saving grace. In leaving and returning you taught me something I would never have learned had you stayed with me. I know this sounds strange, but thank you. Your love has saved me from myself. I'm sorry that you never had the me that I've become. I hope that the other side is better than here. Fly away Shelley. Freedom awaits. Freedom and eternal love.  
  
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